Friends also break up
As the friendship dies of
There is no falling out of love
There is no tell-tale lack of romance
Yet the absence of intimacy becomes palpable
The replies slowly become less thoughtful
Less raw and more guarded
The walls slowly go back up
And the gap grows wider
The paths are less aligned
The heart is less tender and attentive
Ears grow hard
And eyes more faded and unfocused
As our friendship died off
Patience became expendable
And grace, more scarce
My heart became less vibrant and resembled a corpse more and more
It felt like you were continually failing me (Maybe I was failing myself)
Your love became all about you
And mine was also still all about you
Until it became all about me
And I had no more eyes to see you truly
I'm letting you go
Because the friendship will never be again
My tender heart in its current state
Doesn't know if it should hope to make space for you again. (I don't think you'll ask for it again either)
So I'm letting you go
With heavy tears slowly and languidly crawling down my cheeks
With tears in my heart
With grief weighing on my whole being
I'm letting you go
Because all we dreamed of becoming together will never be.
Yesterday, I finally googled"How do you grieve the end of a friendship?"
Google's answer was...unsatisfactory
And I should have known,
I should have known that,
Those sentences would fall short
Google's answer failed to offer the relief and solution I've been looking for
How did I expect Google to have the recipe for detaching my heart from a 7-year friendship?
How to separate my heart from the plans we made together
And the dreams we made up
How do I separate who I am from who you are?
I've grown with you and apart from you for 7 years.
I've been and I've become right along with you.
There are no words that could ever offer relief from the gaping wound I carry in my heart.
Your absence has taken away the promises we made to each other
Return to me in November, the month of our birth
Release your hold from the years we spent, wondering what it would be like to be best friends until we grow old and wrinkly.
And it's noteworthy to say that
None of the scars on my heart are from an enemy
And none of the healing has been done in the company of an enemy either.
That should say something about the violent yet vital role our friendship played.
And then suddenly there I was
One hair salon therapy sesión later, my heart dissolved, worries surrendered to God
And my heart was set on the restoration
That which I feared the most
Fathom pains from old flames
And healed wounds
Between memories of the past
And nostalgic presents
Like ungifted presents
Unsaid expectations remain wrapped in layers of callused hands
The heart grows hard
And there is no tender place left for grace and mercy
Only fathom the pains from old complaints
Walking on a tight rope
And when I'm close to the end of the line
That's when I lose my focus, I start to think that I'm almost there, and I lose the drive
And then suddenly there I was
at the end of my rope
at the beginning of the end